Paley's Journal

2003-05-23 ~ 11:49 a.m. ~ Jumbled thoughts

Hm…yesterday I had a choice of either going to the doctor to get another monthly dose of my Vit A pills, or going to get shoes. The doctor only comes in on Monday and Thursday night, so if I miss it, I have to go in on Monday, but well, I think I can wait for a couple more days, and the shoes sound more important, so I went ahead to get shoes. I don’t really have a fetish for shoes, but it seems my shoes get to wear and tear very often, maybe because I never bothered investing in a pair of expensive one, I always end up getting pretty mid-range shoes, wear and throw. It does not help that my company has decided that open toe sandals are not allowed, and I am one of those who suffer under this terrible rule. I love open toe sandals, it allows me to paint my nails and sometimes, I put a nice sticker on my big toe. I don’t really bother painting them now if I am going to be covering my toes everyday. I also don’t like wearing covered shoes in this hot weather. It makes you perspire. I don’t even need to go further….

I end up buying a pair of black mules, I like it.

I was typing something to a friend who wants to know about my jumbled thoughts. I thought about the 1 year that has passed and think about how much I have changed and things that I’ve not changed. I think I changed a lot, and I hope it is in a good way, although I know there are bad ways…but we’ll leave it out for now. I learnt to be very independent and doing a lot of things by myself. It also made me understand the importance of self reliance, because although I like the idea of depending on someone, I think for now, self- reliance builds up strength and confidence. I am afraid of depending on someone because I think I will feel crippled again when things don’t work out, and it will seem like all the hard work has gone down the drain. There is no real issue here, so it’s hard to put down in words. Actually that’s the truth. I feel strange now that I do not have worrying matters on my mind like a year ago, I feel strange when people are at cross roads in life but I'm at this path where I don't even know where it leads to, there is just a path straight right through but I cannot see what is ahead of me, that makes me a little curious, yet I don't want to be too anxious to run forward to see who's and what's there installed for me. I try my best to just enjoy the journey at my own pace and hopefully someday I find someone and something really nice waiting for me =) And then when I see it, I'll ask "what took you so long?"

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