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2003-06-09 ~ 10:43 p.m. ~ Dreams Part 2
There must be a reason to all my weird dreams lately...which makes me quite uncomfortable. It makes me feel like something is going to happen. Something did. My ex called me today. We have not spoken in many months. He called my mobile but I was in my room and so I didn't hear it. Then he called my home number. My mom picked up the phone and recognized his voice. Just like any other ordinary mom protecting her offsprings, she asked me what did he wanted from me. I had no idea. I took the call and my ex wanted some diskettes from me. Some old notes. I guess he's starting to teach soon. I have no idea where they are. We didn't speak long. I am not surprised we were able to speak like nothing bad ever happened between us, no hostility, no hatred. I went to search my drawers, I don't see any. I accidentally saw 2 love letters he ever wrote to me throughout the whole relationship. He was just so bad in writing love letters, but I kept them. The fact is, no matter how bad the letters were written, any girl would have kept them. In one of the letters, he wished me a happy valentine's day and he drew a tiffany ring on it. Silly maybe but that just did it. I couldn't stop crying. I stop and started, gained my composure and started crying again. All in the midst of playing my mahjong solitaire game. Maybe that's the reason why love has been eluding me. I still get so emotional over the breakup. I get so upset today, I was moody and didn't feel like working. I kept asking myself why am I who I am today. I went for a jog after work and watched the movie on TV. They were airing Deep Impact and I was thinking nobody loves me as much as my family. Even the love from a spouse/lover can change, but the love from your family doesn't stop even when you're old. Your parents never stop loving you. For that, I'm grateful.
I'm crying not only because of my failed relationship, but I am also crying because I think I can never understand the kind of love a parent has for their child until I am a parent myself.
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