Paley's Journal

2003-09-06 ~ 9:41 p.m. ~ Injustice irks me

I have been very frustrated at work this week. I have been unhappy for most of this week, which had been unfortunate, as I have not been so unhappy for a long time. It was all because of one of the "managers" who put words in our mouths, and in the process, we got "arrowed" to do some work which was by right not even our responsibility. I had to stay back one of the days after I come back from my surgery from 7pm to 9pm to do the opening and closing of one of our free talks that we are offering to the public as part of our contribution to the Singapore learning festival. I think I would have been less mad if I did not read that email of what that manager said. Fancy taking our silence as a "yes" and she did not even speak to me to get my opinion. I felt so much injustice, and very mad. It does not help this time that my manager cannot help, since the deputy director has agreed, given that the manager had painted the picture of us saying yes (but we NEVER said so). I feel being framed, and terribly unhappy that such unscrupulous methods had been used to push responsibility. That made me to think again, if that is what climbing corporate ladder was all about. I feel very strongly about things like this, and it can make me dislike a person because I feel she has no integrity at all. And knowing that I am just a nobody in the office, no one would believe me or us (fellow colleagues).

I told my friend Greg today about my feel about society and the corporate world. He’s one of my online pals. He works in Las Vegas in a home building company called KB Homes. Knowing that I am in the training business, he said he could speak to his human resources and see if they are looking for any training executives. He asked me to send him my resumes and I did, and he would speak to them next week, and just get a feel of what they are looking for right now. They are always looking for good people. I appreciate his help a lot, even though there is no guarantee that there is an opening, but I just appreciate that he could take that first step for me. So just keep your fingers crossed for me, and I hope perhaps there is some jobs out there where I can better use my experience, and best of all, honesty and integrity.

I have always put a virtual stamp on every person’s forehead, of each and every person I know or have worked with, or people I talked to. It is probably a signal or colour code for myself, to know who is good (white) and evil (black). So if you are a good person, you have a virtual “good” stamp on your forehead. It was easy for me, and proved to be a good system until I realize that there was a colour called grey. That is when things are not so easy. I still don’t really have a grey stamp on people. They are mainly either white or black. I think it helped me to know who are the people whom I can let my defenses down, and who are the people I know that I will talk less to. It is that simple. It doesn’t mean I will back stab them. If work calls, I will just be civil, but I cannot bring myself to open up and talk to them more than just work. Life is such for me. For that reason, some people might find me unapproachable. There is no prizes for guessing who had a EVIL stamp on their forehead this week. And it will remain there permanently until she does something that made me think otherwise.

I will leave in less than a week’s time for my surgery. I am going to pack my bags tomorrow because I will have little time to do so during the weekday nights. I am looking forward to a break from work! I think it will do me good.

I will update soon, if not, then when I come back from my surgery (if I am able to do it) and perhaps even after my concert on Sept 15!

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