I was typing a long entry yesterday about my rough day at work. I received an email by my boss, and it started off with compliments about my work, my proactive attitude and that she enjoyed working with me. Then it went onto our re-org and as I worked in the same team for 3.5 years now, there is a lot of pressure (from other managers I supposed) for me to change team. It is not as simple as it is, I know that there is more than this. I won’t say that I have the best portfolio, but it’s a lot better than many others because mine has a large variety and I get to do a lot of interesting things. Others are feeling bored with their work and wants a piece of mine. I feel a little upset because I have been working very hard for my new projects, and frankly speaking, I will feel very unfair if the credit of my projects are given to another person, who has contributed nothing for the groundwork. My boss has our interests at heart, and as much as she has requested that I remain in the team, she has opened the option for me to either stay or move to another team. It was not really a difficult decision for me, as I have pretty much mapped out my decision based on my analysis. I’ve talked to a couple of people and if they were me, they wouldn’t want to change. And what’s more, if I wanted to move, I would want to move to a different company. What’s the use of changing the soup name, but ingredients remains? Now, I have a hard time trying to draft an email justifying my existence in the team. Why I should remain. I feel that I am against all odds, which make me quite sad. But I think, there is nothing much I can do. Ultimately, if the Empress Dowager decides that I should move, I had to regardless of my wish to stay. I’ve been bothered about this for 2 days now, but I know there is nothing much I can do. I have decided if the worst happens, I will have to carry on – and meanwhile work harder to find another job.

My ex boyfriend sent me a txt message yesterday, asking if I would be attending our faculty alumni 10th anniversary. I told him I know nothing about it, and I don’t think I will be going. It falls on my bday, but even if it was not on that day, I don’t think I will go. I thought he was trying to sound me out – that is, if I was going, then he would probably not go (so that he won’t bump into me). I asked him why. He said he was just letting me know and many of our ex classmates were going. I never returned his message. Why now?

I have fond memories in school, but somehow, I don’t think I fit into that circle. Not in the past and not even now. Maybe I did not try hard enough.

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