Prior to my trip, in fact on Thursday, I received phone call from my dad asking me to go to the hospital. He only told me that my grandmother is in critical condition. So I went, met my mom. Then I knew that my grandma had a massive heart attack, her main artery ruptured. The doctors will not be operating on her as the chances are very slim. It was just a matter of time, from what I derived from their roundabout stories. Just make her as comfortable as possible, that was what the family consensus was. We took turns to go into the ICU ward 2 by 2 after she was being transferred. She was heavily sedated and did not respond to my 2nd aunt.

Friday evening. I was told to go down to the ward to take a look at her one last time. Her heart has already stopped beating by the time I was there. She was 73. 3 of my relatives were already chanting some japanese prayers. I knew this would be a long affair. I am not afraid to say I did not shed a tear when she died. My grandma has never shown much affection to me because I was a girl. I was never close to her either.

The next few days were just busy getting my work ready before I leave for my holidays as well as being present at the funeral all day. I'm begining to question the reason for long draggy funerals. We did not do much except for folding gold paper ingots. A funeral is an event where you meet long lost distant relatives whom you never have the chance to see. The introduction starts all over again, like you're who's daughter.

I know I said this before, but I don't want a long funeral if I die. Make it swift and happy. I don't need a 3 days affair to wear out my family members. I want people to remember the good things about me, and in order for that to happen, I have to be the best person I can be, be a good friend, family member, girlfriend, wife, daughter. We play so many roles in our life.

I've never been to a funeral where I never heard one kind word about the person who died. My grandma's funeral falls into that category. It is sad, and a pity.

I learnt : Always make a will before you die. Give away all your material possessions. Leave with a peace of mind. I am ashamed to say my relatives are clearly only interested to get their fair share of jewellery. Would that make a significant difference in their lives? I don't want anything that is not rightfully mine.

Before we know it, body becomes ashes. We are just that afterall. What becomes of us are memories. We came with nothing and we left with nothing. We have to start living. It is never too late to start living. I know I did.

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