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2004-01-20 ~ 10:02 p.m. ~ 20 Dec 2003, 2:30am
Last month, on the 20th, I experienced sleeplessness the first time in my life. I thought I would never talk about it, but it is something I don't think I would ever forget in my life, because it marks the beginning of something important in my life. I cried, I tried going to sleep, I couldn't. I had a huge weight on my shoulders. All because of a person, and how I felt for him. All I wanted to do was to call him, and told him I needed to see him very badly, and just wanted to talk to him. I even thought about what I wanted to tell him. And we were seperated by a mere 15 minutes away from each other. The desire to see him was so great, but I was timid. It was afterall, 2:30am. I was wondering what he would think of me, if I told him I missed him and needed to see him. Would he rush down to see me? Was he as sleepless as I was? Did he thought about me? I tossed and turned in my bed for a long time. I sat up in bed. I remembered if I could speak to him, the first thing I would say was, "I'm such a total wreak now." My heart was pounding. I had nobody to share this with. I thought of writing a letter to John instead, but I was too weak to do it. I woke up, walked over to my brother. I wanted to wake him up, and tell him about what I wanted to do. I wanted to ask of him, if he could let me see John. We were going to have breakfast together the first thing in the morning. I tapped my brother's shoulder. No response. Tapped again...no response. I dropped the idea, went back to bed. I laid down. I looked out of the window, I was very disappointed. My head was heavy, my heart was twice the weight. I do not know how long it took for me to fall asleep. I only had about 2-3 hours of sleep.
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