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2004-02-21 ~ 11:28 p.m. ~ No guts
Anthony wants me to move by next year Feb. I had a shock out of my life. I know I plan for this to happen in another 2-3 years time and by bringing the plan forward, I am just not quite ready. But then he made sense. I guess I'm just not confident of myself. I am quite gutless, so to speak. When everything seems to be on my side, my friend offers me accomodation, he will find houses for me to work on, I don't know what I am afraid of. I know. I am afraid of the uncertainty. On the other hand, I don't know what am I waiting for. I measured the odds. Anthony was right. It doesn't make a difference if I stay for another 2-3 years and save another 5-6K a year. I need to be there to start working towards my dream. And one funny thing is, he has no idea why I am so hard up for a job. I said I am insecure without a job. I feel I'm not doing anything and not contributing. That's how the whole re-modelling thing came into this picture. Instead of buying and renting apartments, I wanted to get my hands to work on something and this re-modelling houses will just work for me. It will make me feel like I'm working, and I will like that. So that is the plan. I think I will have to try to break this to my mom gently, slowly a bit over time.
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