J was charming, worldly, passionate about life. Traits that I was very attracted to. I knew he was 7 months out from a long relationship. He was sad because he really liked the girl. We emailed for a few months and finally met. When I met him, I really liked him. And I seldom like someone, that's because I seldom find someone I like.

We went out, had a great time, we spent a lot of time together. He made me feel really special, and I thought I was special. He told me he wouldn't have come all the way to meet me if he didn't think I was special. I believed him. I believed that he took a leap of faith. Not so much for myself because I was there for holidays anyway.

We talked about the possibility of starting a relationship, but I could sense some uncertainty in there. Sometimes when he accidentally said about us, he would cut it short and said oh well. We went to a Greek restaurant once, and he ordered wine. I didn't. He asked me to take a sip from his glass to try. I wasn't a wine drinker and was hesitant. But I did took a sip and told him I didn't quite like the taste because it was very woody. He said that was OK, and he valued my honest opinions and he liked that. J had a wine collection at home and he said if we ever wound up being together, he wanted me to know a bit of his interests. I felt a tad pressurized and happy at the same time. But I didn't think too much about it.

After our short time spent together, he told me he was falling in love with me. I was so happy. I told him I felt the same, but I didn't want to assume the same of how he felt for me. I told him how I felt about him, and put my heart on the sleeves.

Once, we were chatting, and he mentioned something about me having a boyfriend. I asked him if he meant himself. He thought about it and told me that both of us had many things going on in our lives, and he didn't want to put a label to us to give unnecessary pressure. I agreed. We agreed to take things as it move along and see what happens next.

We both knew that our happy times would come to end temporarily, and as he was driving me back to the hotel, I told him that I was happy to have met him and that he came into my life. It was only the beginning, not the end. He agreed, he didn't even want to say good bye, because it wasn't really a good bye. Not at that moment. I didn't even cry when we parted, because I harbored a belief that it was only the beginning.

When we went back to our own lives, we continued to chat and email. We missed each other very much and I would tell him so. But there was once when I was very upset. We talked about us again, and he mentioned he wasn't sure if we were meant to be life long friends, or were we meant to meet so that we could both move on with our lives. I told him that I didn't see him as a cathartic way for moving on with life. I never believed in making use of anyone to move on in life. I was alone, but not lonely or desperate to seek some companionship when there was none. I wanted to love and be loved.

I didn't quite get to see him around that much as time passes. He was on business trips, and just finally one day, there was no more correspondence or chat. I waited for a few more days, but I still didn't see him online. I knew he was avoiding me when I emailed him and never got a reply back. Of course I was sad. I felt rejected. I really liked him, and if only he believed in me or us, I would have done everything to be with him, even if it means moving mountains. But alas, it was not meant to be. I was willing to give it a try, he wasn't. He said to me once,"You are so good and deserves the best". I never liked that sentence. How would you know what is the best for me?

To be frank, I would be happy even if we remained good friends, if only he told me he didn't think we could make it through. I would love to keep this friendship. I don't think I'm a selfish person, though I would probably cry my heart out in the initial period for being rejected, but I would understand that perhaps I wasn't what he was looking for in a long term relationship. I guess it all boils down to he wasn't ready. He could be afraid to try, or he was afraid of me really liking him. There could be other possible reasons.

I'm no longer upset about it. It just taught me a good lesson. I can only look forward, not backwards. Sometimes people comes into our lives temporarily, and there is a reason for that. Maybe he was just one of those who left footprints in my life.

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